What Happens After Masking (And Why Safety Comes First)

What Happens After Masking (And Why Safety Comes First)

Author: Joseph Hulsey, Graduate Student at Liberty University | Intern at Upstate Carolina Autism Associates
Easley, South Carolina

For many autistic teens and adults, learning about masking brings hope.

Finally, there is a word for the exhaustion.
Finally, there is an explanation for why social life feels so hard.

And often, the next thought is:

“I’m going to stop masking.”

But what many people are not prepared for is what happens after masking.

Because unmasking does not start with relief.

It usually starts with tiredness, confusion, withdrawal, and shutdown.

This is not a sign that you are doing something wrong.

This is a sign that your body is beginning to feel safe enough to stop performing.

And safety is where healing begins.

Masking Is a Nervous System Survival Skill

Masking is your nervous system learning:

“I have to act a certain way to stay safe.”

From a polyvagal perspective, masking keeps your body in a steady state of alertness.

From an executive functioning perspective, masking uses the same mental energy you need for planning, starting tasks, regulating emotions, and making decisions.

Masking works. But it is very expensive for your brain and body.

What Happens When You Stop Masking

When you begin to unmask, your body often does something surprising.

It does not feel energized.

It feels exhausted.

You may notice:

• Brain fog
• Extreme fatigue after socializing
• Wanting to be alone
• Increased shutdowns
• Emotional sensitivity
• Confusion about who you are

This is not regression.

This is recovery.

Why Safety Must Come Before Growth

Your nervous system has one main question:

“Am I safe if I stop performing?”

Until the answer is yes, your body will choose rest, withdrawal, and shutdown over productivity.

This is why safety—not goals—must come first.

Where Evidence-Based Practices Can Help

While rest and gentleness are important, there are also evidence-based therapies that can support you during this stage in ways that respect your nervous system and identity.

These approaches do not try to make you mask better.
They help you feel safer being yourself.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Unmasking

CBT can help you gently identify and question old masking rules.

You may notice thoughts like:

• “I have to act normal or people won’t like me.”
• “I can’t stim here.”
• “I must keep eye contact.”

CBT helps you ask:

“Is this about safety, or is this an old rule my brain learned?”

It also helps reduce fear of social mistakes and build more self-compassionate thinking.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT supports unmasking by helping you:

• Accept internal experiences without fighting them
• Choose actions based on values, not fear
• Learn that discomfort does not mean danger

Somatic and Polyvagal-Informed Practices

These help your nervous system learn safety through the body:

• Deep pressure (weighted blankets)
• Rocking, pacing, rhythmic movement
• Slow exhale breathing
• Sensory regulation (dim lights, quiet spaces)

Executive Functioning Supports

When your brain is in recovery, external supports reduce cognitive load:

• Visual schedules
• Task chunking
• Timers to start tasks
• Written checklists

Self-Compassion Practices

Research shows self-compassion reduces burnout and anxiety.

Try phrases like:

• “My body is recovering.”
• “I’m allowed to go slowly.”
• “I don’t have to rush this.”

Why Shutdowns and Withdrawal Increase

Shutdown is protective. When you stop pushing through it, your body finally rests.

This is healing behavior, not failure.

Gentle Tools to Support Yourself

• Plan recovery after social time
• Allow low-demand days
• Journal to rediscover yourself
• Notice early shutdown signals
• Create a nervous system reset list
• Lower expectations without guilt

If You’re in South Carolina, Support Is Here

At Upstate Carolina Autism Associates in Easley, we use neurodiversity-affirming, evidence-based approaches like CBT, ACT, executive functioning supports, and polyvagal-informed care to help autistic teens and adults move through unmasking gently and safely.

Stay Connected

• Attend upcoming events with Upstate Carolina Autism Associates
• Subscribe to our newsletter for autistic-affirming resources
• Follow us for ongoing support for autistic teens and adults in South Carolina

A Gentle Closing Thought

If you feel more tired, more withdrawn, or more confused since learning about masking, you are not doing this wrong.

Your body is learning that it does not have to perform to be safe.

Let safety come first.

Everything else can come later.

Check out our Youtube video! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNFsXS5aa58